Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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