i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
