Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
