you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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