Who did Billy Mays play for?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
