I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
