weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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