so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
