Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We have so much sex to catch up on
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
