I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
