I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
