At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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