I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The ass gains better be worth it
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