just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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