I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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