I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
