I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
