I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
