I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
