i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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