I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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