Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
