He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
