You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
