I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
