woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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