I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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