Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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