Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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