The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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