Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
