The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
