You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
