he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
