It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just want nice things and good sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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