am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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