They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
