I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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