I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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