the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
