Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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