Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
