Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
