Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
