I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize