Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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