You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
