no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
