i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize