You just made me feel so damn special
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
