you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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