Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
