I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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