last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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