I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
