Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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