Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
