Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize