Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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