fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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