i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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