Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
