i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize