Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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