If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
