I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
