We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
