Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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