i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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