I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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